Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
