I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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