So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
