His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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