She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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