so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
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