If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
