Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
