It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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