Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
