I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm really busy with my period
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