I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
