I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
