I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
