i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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