Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
