having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
