Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
