god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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