I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
