The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
