Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
