BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
