i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
