Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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