I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
