I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
