Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
