Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
