We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
