Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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