TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
