Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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