i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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