im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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