I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
