im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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