Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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