Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
