Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
smell my finger.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
