Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
