You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The best revenge is premature balding
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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