she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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