Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
