your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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