she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
