Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
