You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
