his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
