a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
