Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
