apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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